bog or buoy

It seems to me we all have two choices: to be bogged down by the negative, or to be buoyed up by the positive.

And yet there are so many of us who define ourselves by the negative, or, at the very least, give the negative more power and weight. I started thinking about this today, as I found myself in a bit of a funk last night. There was no reason for me to be at all negative – none at all. We received three awards in the past week, I just found out my book is being translated into Polish, booked a few clients, and so on. Everything is good – really good, but one negative thing can turn that around.

It shouldn’t be that way – it shouldn’t be that 100 positives can be canceled out by 1 negative. How can it be that one comment, motivated most often by jealousy or spite, can impact our mood, even for a moment? Well, ok, I’ll give you that moment, after all it hurts when people are mean.

The awards we received recently are pretty cool – and we’re pretty proud of them. We worked for them, didn’t rest on our laurels hoping they would come our way. Nope, we got out, did our job and did it well enough that we were rewarded for that. Resent that all you want, but take a look at why we make you mad, why you don’t celebrate with us – it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with you. Yeah, you. And you know who you are, don’t you?

Someone decided to leave a random, rude comment on our blog. Someone else let me know they were disgusted that people didn’t react more positively to our win. And I started to feel almost guilty about those wins – like I had stepped on some toes, or gone too far. Would I have been disappointed if we hadn’t won? Yeah, I would have. But I also would have congratulated the winner, and meant it. After all, seeing someone do something that much better than me, well that is simply motivation.

Off topic for a moment: In the past I would have sat with the negatives for a while, questioning my own success and motivations. Not this time, not now. I realized that while I sat there for a moment or two, while I started to fall into an old pattern, I was letting someone else dictate my life, and that is simply not acceptable. So I did something positive this time – I found them (the blog commenter). Yeah, I did. I know who they are and I know where they live. And I’m laughing because of that. Anonymity is for losers – you want to say something to me, say it to my face. I dare you. You won’t do it because you are a coward. And I know who you are.

Back to the topic at hand…

And, by the way, you can’t win if you don’t enter. You can’t win if you don’t put in the time, energy and hope required to make it to the next level. You can’t win if you think you deserve it. You can’t win if you feel entiteld. And you certainly can’t win when you are insincere.

Suck it up, do better, and win next time. Look at your “loss” as a chance for growth. Learn from it, use it to motivate you, and be better than you are today. Because that’s what winners do – they don’t win every time, they don’t rest on their laurels, and they don’t condemn those who beat them. Rather, they keep going, getting stronger and better and wiser everyday, finding a well of strength that allows them to do more. Don’t wallow – get better. Don’t whine – do something about it.

So, I say we make a choice, all of us. Let’s choose to be buoyed by all that is good in our lives. Let’s choose to smile, carry on, and focus on what matter to us. Let’s choose to leave those who wallow behind, leave the pettiness and gossip, the resentment and fear, where it belongs – to the people who are bogged down in it. Let them be together in their funk, their unhappiness, while we enjoy the fruits of our labours, and celebrate our successes, personal and professional.

I dare you to choose buoyancy. I dare you to be grateful. I dare you to trust that you can do it. And I dare you to walk away from the bog of despair.

Let’s do it together.

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